The most hurtful thing is that none of this is true, and I love her with my entire heart. It just feels like a dagger straight through my soul.

1 month, 14 days ago

I got this text from her after saying everything I ever do reminds me of her. I also asked how she been able to do it, and this was her response. It literally made me cry knowing this is what she thought and thinks of me. M/30 stbxw f/27. I suppose rage can change perception if you think about things enough. Anyways I’m just super sad maybe someone has gotten or felt the same guy or girl?

Thank you for the pictures from awhile ago and I will always love the kids as my own. I hope that you do heal yourself because it’s already been a few years and you could be close to full or at least half recovery if you didn’t sit there and drink for every reason/excuse you gave me or lie you said to me. Btw you and I did talk about everything. So don’t act like this divorce was such a surprise. You were the one who offered a divorce 8 times since summer. If you didn’t mean it, then why would you say it? Just like how you accused me of having autism, accusing me of being the worst, horrible mom to Silver and Charlie, accusing me by making me feel like a whore for “in the future leaving you to go have sex with a rich guy on his yacht.” And for saying I’d be a bad example and bad mom to our children because I had tattoos. I’d sit there and cry over something that never happened and something that I’d never dream about doing. Clearly you never even knew me. You do realize that what you did to me daily is called Gaslighting. If you were as educated as you think you are (since you’re “4 years older than me”) then you should know how emotionally and verbally abusive you were to me. I tried numerous times since Costa Rica to talk to you and to tell you how I felt and apparently you didn’t care or didn’t listen. Oftentimes you would just get angry when I brought something important up and you would react in a verbally abusive way, which created terror inside me. That also includes not talking to me for days. We couldn’t communicate because you aren’t able to hear the truth or even try to cooperate. I wanted to finish talking and telling you everything but it never worked out. There are an infinite amount of examples I can give you but I won’t say it all. Multiple times Jessica and I were scared because you thought it was funny to drive 100mph on the freeway and weave in and out of cars. JESSICA was in the car. I tried to mention how we felt scared because of that and all you did was get angry. You put my sister, my precious girl, in danger. How selfish and cruel. You were under the influence of alcohol and high too! What were you thinking?? What would my dad have done if Jessica or I didn’t make it out alive because of your enraged drunk and thoughtless driving?? Think of my dad in that situation. You only ever got angry. Sometimes you wouldn’t talk to me for hours or days. You wouldn’t snuggle or kiss me goodnight. You were so cold and heartless over things that you should have talked to me about. Every day was a bad day for you, an excuse for you to drink or for you to say rude things. And the worst part isn’t that I lost everything I ever had and am now in a more negative situation monetarily than I ever was, it’s that you never cared about me to do anything that I truly wanted to do in life. You wouldn’t even move to California for 6 months just to make me happy. I haven’t had a single penny extra in my pocket since well over a year ago. I OWE taxes now and there’s no way I can pay that. I haven’t been paying my credit cards or my car payment because I don’t have the income I need or my savings I had. I was fine and I had money set aside for any issue where I would end up like this. I spent all my money and time on healing you and buying you all the alcohol and all the vacations that you could ever dream of. I spent all my money and time on the kids also and I can’t even use my expenses to benefit my taxes so now I owe when I shouldn’t. I’ll owe next year too if I have to keep selecting that I’m married on documents. In so many ways, you have been such a complete dick to me. I can’t believe I never saw these red flags from the start. Especially when you sick freak wanted both Abby and I to suck your dick on that camping trip. Disgusting. Do you even know what I had to go through to help you emotionally, financially, with your health, and with everything else? I worked 2 jobs and went to school. I gave everything I ever had to make things work and you had no appreciation for any of it. You have no respect for my things like my car, my iPad, my computer, everything I bought you like the guns, tools, no respect for my life or my family’s life. Do you remember why I slapped you last spring? You accused me of things that I wasn’t. I was working full time, going to school, and making all this medicine, healthy food, tinctures, etc and you said 3 days in a row that I was fat or getting heavier in a mean making fun of me kind of way. Then you said the chick on the tv show was hot. You made me feel less than what I was and I never needed you but you needed me. The list goes on. Think of the danger you put me in when we were in Costa Rica. You left me alone the majority of the time and you were out getting drunk, you lied about what you were doing. You left me with nothing to do but twiddle my fingers and cook and clean for 3-9 hours every day! You do realize that the MD’s and ND’s told you not to drink and the reason why I would get so upset when we were on the cruise and when we were in CR was because if you needed medical attention immediately then we were a 2 hour drive towards an immediate flight we would have to buy at a time where they only run in the mornings with the money we did not have. After that flight then we could land and have a taxi take us 30 minutes to the nearest hospital that could treat you. If, luckily, you weren’t dead then, we wouldn’t have the money to pay for any of these procedures. Would they deny your care and then you would die in San Jose, CR? Or would we not be able to leave the country until enough people sent over $100,000 to cover the costs because you decided to drink outside the country from which we’re born. On a cruise ship, they don’t have IV’s. They have a first aid kit. What would we have done then? It takes hours to get back to a hospital and the likelihood of you dying on those 2 vacations were high. Because of the choices you made to drink and ignore me for days ruined those 2 vacations. You never apologized for that or for anything. I know you lied to me and drank in Alaska. You lied to my face so many times and whenever I asked you about it, you ignored me. That’s not talking things through. I tried and you didn’t. I stayed with you to help you and to honor our vows, but I was well done with our relationship before even the summer began. If it weren’t for the kids staying there the whole summer I would have left you long before then. Day by day you broke those vows between us and I had no hope left. Now it appears that most of your family thinks so low of me and they’re upset because I hurt you, but how many of the people in your family that are upset me knew how much you disrespected me every day. How many of the kids actually know what happened and how you took everything from me? I had to hear gross people say icky things to me and paw at me to make the money I did and instead of me paying my credit cards down, I bought you every tool, tv, furniture, alcohol, vacations, etc and you would just let food go to waste. You wouldn’t take your pills or even care about anything I did. I wouldn’t need to work those kinds of jobs if you didn’t let everything go to waste and sit there and screw around. So I moved on from you at least a year ago. I have no interest in talking to you any further. The family members that want to talk to me can but your parents treat Micah like a goddess and she screwed Jose’s bff. I took care of you for years and put up with your bs. I’m too tired of texting everything but there is much more I could say. Don’t forget, at least you still have pillow.

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